Monday 21 September 2009

Subway

Subway.

What a fucking shithole.

When everyone started bumming off this gaff a few years ago, I was one of the few that stood their ground and registered anger and disgust at what these people were doing.

Meatballs on a sandwich? What the fuck is up with that? Did no one ever mention that NOTHING spherical belongs on a sandwich? The sandwich in question is the 'Meatball Marinara'. The word Marinara derives from the Italian Marinaro, meaning 'of the sea'. I 100% DO NOT want to ever eat the 'Meatball of the Sea'. Thanks, but no thanks.

For this very reason I avoided this place like the plague for a very long time, but eventually I decided to 'pop in' and try something from there. I ordered a 6 inch sub, a cookie and cup of coffee, and it set me back FAR more than a maccies. I was shocked and appalled.

After this visit I was disturbed further by the trays of meat they have knocking about and the fact you can ask for a 12 incher in there. Wrong.

Today, I returned again for lunch as all other avenues of lunchtime dining have become old and stale. This time I was even more horrified. I ordered a chicken salad sandwich (or sub, if you wish to use the correct terminology.)

First off I was asked if I wanted cheese on it. Do I look like some kind of starving animal that will eat any old shite? Although, by the very fact I was in there, I guess I probably did, but I digress. She slapped all the salad on the roll, then asked if I wanted any sauces or the like on it. I asked for some salad cream and she repeated what she thought she had heard. What she said was 'Weston Sauce' (I don't think English was her native tongue!). What in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ is Weston Sauce, and why would I want it on a sandwich?!? It sounds like something you'd put in the engine of your car for God's sake. I said again that I wanted a bit of salad cream, and this time she informed me that they didn't do salad cream, whilst looking at me like i'd shat on her kids on Christmas morning.

What kind of upstanding sandwich based food emporium doesn't do salad cream?? I ended up opting for a little bit of mayo, and watched her empty half a squeezy bottle of the shit all over the place. At this point I was nearly blind with both rage and disgust at what I was getting myself involved in, but then it got worse.

The chicken came.

She went to some kind of little oven, and pulled out a small oblong shaped thing wrapped in what looked like bog roll. From this package, she extracted the 'meat', and bundled it all over the bap.
I hastily paid the half-breed manning the till and made a sharp exit.

At no point had I ordered warm chicken. At no point had I ordered food to be served out of toilet roll. At no point had I asked for cheese on my salad sandwich (cheese, in my eyes is neither salad, or chicken). At no point shall I ever return to Subway.

I had reservations about this place, and after just 2 visits, everything I ever thought about the joint has been proved correct. 1-0 to me!

Blackberry Storm

This phone is whack.

'Whack' is American for shit.