Tuesday, 23 February 2010


We were going to Cambridge last Thursday to visit family. While we were on the A14 the snow got pretty bad and the traffic started grinding to halt.

After travelling about a mile in half an hour we heard sirens and thought that maybe there had been an accident further up the road. We pulled the car over as far as possible so the officers could get past. As the car drew level the officer was hanging out of the window screaming obscenities at us.

What a fucking cock.

We couldn't pull over any more without taking the paint off the car on the barrier.

With public confidence at the police at a supposed all time low this piece of shit was doing NOTHING to improve that opinion. He looked like a mindless, angry thug with a small amount of power.

If I was driving a car, in the snow, with one hand on the wheel and hanging out of the window, shouting abuse at other drivers whilst not looking at the road in front, I have no doubt I would quite rightly be pulled over by the police and spoken to.

What makes it worse is there was no accident ahead, he was only acting as an escort for the grit wagon behind him. Yes it was snowing. Yes conditions were deteriorating, and yes the right thing to do was to get the grit on the road to prevent a potential accident.

But hurling abuse at the general public doesn't fit into that scenario anywhere. This twat should not be allowed to be a traffic officer if he wants to act like a complete fucking seat sniffer.

Met Office

The Met office has annoyed, bemused and then angered me in recent weeks.

With the weather being as it has been in the UK over the last month or so, the public turns to our National weather agency in order to keep up to date with any impending problems.

They have been SO wrong with their forecasts I don't know how they can continue to be considered at the forefront of meteorological forecasting.

Sunday morning just gone I checked their forecast for the coming week, and saw that heavy snow was forecast for Monday and Tuesday, with sleet and snow showers for the rest of the week. Sunday evening I looked again and we had light snow showers Sunday night and light snow for the Monday and Tuesday. Monday morning I woke up to no snow, and grey skies. In work, I checked the forecast for the rest of the week and saw heavy rain for the rest of the week.

We had no rain on Monday and on Monday night they were still forecasting heavy rain for the remainder of the evening and grey cloud on Tuesday.

It is now Tuesday and we've had snow since 2.30pm and it doesn't look as if it's easing up any time soon.

How do these shysters predict the weather??? I reckon some guy just lifts the blind every hour or so and changes the forecast.

Met office? More like Shit office.

Gordon Brown

This guy is a joke. Reports in the news 'alledge' that he has been bullying staff members.

Bottom line is this; if you get bullied by this guy you are a fucking loser and probably deserve it.

How on earth can a guy as incompetant as this seriously be considered a bully? He couldn't bully his way through a year at school. Reports also suggest that he has been throwing shit about.

If Brown threw something at me I would probably laugh in his face, and then launch the object off his empty, devoid of everything, head. He's blind in one eye and only has 20% vision in the other. I'd like to play him at darts, as im guessing his aim probably isn't the best.

Wednesday, 16 December 2009


These bunch of fucks are unbelievable. I have many problems with my Blackberry Storm phone. (See here)

The phone is an absolute bag of wank and incapable of doing anything other than making sure my napkin doesn't blow away whilst I'm out having a lovely picnic. I decided enough was enough and thought I'd make a claim against my insurance.

I eventually got put through to the insurance bods where I was dealt with by the most ignorant, facetious cunt I've ever spoken to. He basically told me I'd dropped the phone in water, or dropped and realised there was a problem the day before, at lunchtime, whilst I was at home. Please note he did ask if I had dropped the phone, he TOLD me what had happened.

The claim was successful and I can get the piece of shit repaired, but that's not the reason for this blog.

I sent a shitty email to Vodafone informing them that their insurance company employ people that are basically incapable of working in the public domain. I don't know what I expected in return, but I felt like they had to know.

I had the reply today and it is absolutely brilliant!!

Check out he grammar and spelling on this bad boy:

Firstly allow me to apologise that you were receiving issues with your handset, which was then greeted by the poor customer service from Marsh insurance.

This is of Corse is not how we wish our customers to Esperance calling 191.

As a further apology I have placed 3 months half price line rental on you're account for the inconvenience.

What the fuck does 'Esperance' mean? And whats with all the capital letters in the middle of sentences? Back in the day, when I learnt how to read and write we only used capital letters at the start of sentences, or for names and so on.

Esperance is so far from being correct that a spell checker won't even bring up the correct word!!

First thought was this had come through some 'non-UK' office, but unfortunately the sender of this mail had a VERY English sounding name.

I'm now very tempted to send an email back, advising the sender to invest in a spell checker on their email program to stop them making such rudimentary mistakes in the future. Cos no one wants to look like a cock. And at the moment this bell sniff looks like a cock!

Monday, 21 September 2009



What a fucking shithole.

When everyone started bumming off this gaff a few years ago, I was one of the few that stood their ground and registered anger and disgust at what these people were doing.

Meatballs on a sandwich? What the fuck is up with that? Did no one ever mention that NOTHING spherical belongs on a sandwich? The sandwich in question is the 'Meatball Marinara'. The word Marinara derives from the Italian Marinaro, meaning 'of the sea'. I 100% DO NOT want to ever eat the 'Meatball of the Sea'. Thanks, but no thanks.

For this very reason I avoided this place like the plague for a very long time, but eventually I decided to 'pop in' and try something from there. I ordered a 6 inch sub, a cookie and cup of coffee, and it set me back FAR more than a maccies. I was shocked and appalled.

After this visit I was disturbed further by the trays of meat they have knocking about and the fact you can ask for a 12 incher in there. Wrong.

Today, I returned again for lunch as all other avenues of lunchtime dining have become old and stale. This time I was even more horrified. I ordered a chicken salad sandwich (or sub, if you wish to use the correct terminology.)

First off I was asked if I wanted cheese on it. Do I look like some kind of starving animal that will eat any old shite? Although, by the very fact I was in there, I guess I probably did, but I digress. She slapped all the salad on the roll, then asked if I wanted any sauces or the like on it. I asked for some salad cream and she repeated what she thought she had heard. What she said was 'Weston Sauce' (I don't think English was her native tongue!). What in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ is Weston Sauce, and why would I want it on a sandwich?!? It sounds like something you'd put in the engine of your car for God's sake. I said again that I wanted a bit of salad cream, and this time she informed me that they didn't do salad cream, whilst looking at me like i'd shat on her kids on Christmas morning.

What kind of upstanding sandwich based food emporium doesn't do salad cream?? I ended up opting for a little bit of mayo, and watched her empty half a squeezy bottle of the shit all over the place. At this point I was nearly blind with both rage and disgust at what I was getting myself involved in, but then it got worse.

The chicken came.

She went to some kind of little oven, and pulled out a small oblong shaped thing wrapped in what looked like bog roll. From this package, she extracted the 'meat', and bundled it all over the bap.
I hastily paid the half-breed manning the till and made a sharp exit.

At no point had I ordered warm chicken. At no point had I ordered food to be served out of toilet roll. At no point had I asked for cheese on my salad sandwich (cheese, in my eyes is neither salad, or chicken). At no point shall I ever return to Subway.

I had reservations about this place, and after just 2 visits, everything I ever thought about the joint has been proved correct. 1-0 to me!

Blackberry Storm

This phone is whack.

'Whack' is American for shit.

Saturday, 13 June 2009

Transport for London

It was the England-Andorra game on Wednesday just gone, and the first home game since England has said that it wanted to host the 2018 World Cup, so a good way to show off our new national stadium etc etc.
What do the mugs that work on the tube decide to do? They go on a 48 hour strike. Again. This time they are striking over poor pay and potential job cuts. Join the club! The country is in the middle of the biggest post-war recession and there are job losses/redundancies/cut backs happening everywhere, but these simpletons seem to think that the way to counter act this is to ask for more money.... Again!
Every 6 months or so these idiots will launch several 2 day strikes on the tube, which subsequently causes the capital city to grind to a halt, and after they've done this for an amount of time they will be given more money.
It's not like this job is particularly difficult from what I can see. I mean im no train driver, but all it seems to be is pushing a lever forward to make the thing move, and then pulling it back when you need to slow down/stop. 'Proper' train drivers aren't always asking for more money to do their job, and I really don't know why tube drivers keep getting all this special dispensation for higher salaries. Maybe they've had to have special mole eyes surgically sewn on to their heads so they can see in the dark better? That cant come cheap. Or maybe the household budget on carrots has soared for the same reason.

It really fucks me off that they are essentially holding a city to ransom, because they're aware of the importance of 'keeping London moving'.

They've held these latest strikes without the backing of ASLEF, their union, and the mug in charge has come out in the media saying he was really pleased because they've managed to wreak havoc in the city for 2 days. He really did sound pleased with himself too.

These pricks need to learn from the past. When there were all the miners strikes in the 70s/80s, what eventually happened to the mines? They shut the fuckers down and we imported coal. The decision to do this left us having to import coal as you cant return to a pit once its been shut down. Any one working on the tube who is moaning should be booted out and replaced with some Pole or other person who will gladly step in and do the job for half what they earn now.

Given the option I would gladly sack everyone of them who moaned, and get people that were grateful to have a job, and then spend the money that keeps going on over inflated salaries on improving the infrastructure of the tube.

Or just shut the whole thing down, send all the tramps to live down there (possibly creating a subterranean race of mutated super-tramps) and get another couple of buses with the cash that city would undoubtedly save.

On a side note from that TfL released a statement saying that there would be no extra car parking available at Wembley, no additional public transport laid on, but they would do everything possible to help people get to the stadium. How are they? Not only are they not putting extra transport on, they've 'advised' varying overland services not to stop at Wembley stadium due to the hazard of overcrowding.... What kind of fucking pillock is running this show?!? Also, The FA has spent £500 million on building a stadium that doesn't have adequate car parking 'built in'??? What the hell is wrong with some people!